Working With Your Ex? Here's How To Handle It.

One of the most situations that can be encountered in life is working with your ex, or worse, your partner's. This can be positively discomforting.

We share with you tips on how to leave the past where it belongs.

Working with your ex? Here's how to handle it

It's possible to encounter situations when love and life get entangled in complicated ways (read: awkward). Working with an ex or even having to team up with your partner's ex would top this list. When Saif Ali Khan accepted the offer to star opposite his wife Kareena Kapoor Khan's ex-boyfriend, Shahid Kapoor in a Vishal Bharadwaj film, it made us wonder if astute professionalism can actually win over feelings of bitter jealousy when working with a partner's ex. Even designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana were a couple for years before their relationship imploded. Having built a successful brand, Dolce & Gabbana, over two decades, they opted to put heartache aside for the business and continued to work side by side.

We spoke to experts about arming your self with tools that skip heart burn, while meeting professional commitments.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
The first, and most vital, decision about maintaining a professional working relationship with an ex or with a partner's ex is whether to acknowledge the past relationship or not. Counselling psychologist and trainer of life skills, Deepak Kashyap believes that a person's attitude goes a long way in pulling off a working rapport with an ex."If the topic comes up, it's best to accept the past and not run away from it. But there's no need to dig up the past since it isn't a therapy session," says Kashyap.

According to him, action and inaction can both have severe consequences in such situations.

FIGHTING JEALOUSY
Despite the state of our evolution, it's only human to feel jealous and even a bit threatened by the fact that your partner shared a life with another woman or man. And when the past resurfaces in a situation, which you cannot avoid (like at work) it can be debilitating and stressful to hold a straight face.

As simplistic as it sounds, Kashyap says that, trying not to think about the past and instead focussing on the work at hand could be the best way to manoeuvre the rising negative emotions. "Your behaviour is a result of your belief system. A lot rides on how you look at your partner or how you perceive `love'," says Kashyap. Anger and jealousy, he says, are symptoms of weak and irrational thinking. "If you are a possessive and jealous person, it will be difficult to get through this. But if both partners are rational individuals who can see the partner and the ex as two individuals, who at a certain point of time, felt that they were suited for each other, feelings of jealousy and possessiveness won't arise," explains Kashyap. Exes will not invite awkwardness if even one party has the right attitude.

The underlying message that one must accept, says Kashyap, is that he/she didn't leave you because you weren't good enough but because "this other person, perhaps, was better suited".

FOCUSSING ON WORK
Thirty-one-year-old sales profession al Amit Narkar doesn't feel threatened by the hypothetical situation of finding his ex or his wife's ex as a business client. "As long as one is transparent about everything, it can't create any issues work-wise," says Narkar.One can be friends with one's ex or one's partner's ex over time, especially when they find other partners, he claims. "If you really can't, it's best to maintain professional politeness, accept facts and move on.Ignoring them is also a valid option," says Narkar.There's no point in trying to run away from the past.

But will you be rewarded for your honesty? Being trans parent with your partner about your ex doesn't always lead to a reward, maintains Narkar.

Don't go out of your way to hide the fact, but avoid over-sharing. "How much you share with your partner about your ex is a judgement call. It's very subjective and depends on the kind of equation you share with your partner," he says.

EGO CHECK
For many, meeting a partner's ex, even after years of separation, can fuel a competitive streak and push one to make pointless comparisons. This could be tricky if this someone happens to work in your team.

Entrepreneur of a digital media company, Pritam Roy, 39, believes it's best to keep emotions away from work. "Avoid one upmanship or being overly competitive as it will end up impacting the team's performance," explains Roy.

His suggestion is to have an honest chat with the person where you set some ground rules. "You can minimise running into each other by re arranging your break hours. If there's a reporting relationship, inform your superiors and look for a change in arrangement, if possible. It's easier to hide from your ex's current partner, if you're working in a large company. In a smaller company, more precautions adjustments are required," he says. It's important to build a cordial relationship. There is no need to be over-friendly. "If you respect your partner, let that respect also translate in how you behave with her ex. Don't gossip or speak ill of them. Maintain a dignified silence or take the higher moral ground, though this is better said than done," explains Roy.

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